The nacle has been around for some time now, and a culture of inside jokes and insider language has sprung up with terms like monkeys, peaches, fondue, chupacabras (chupacabrim?), and Bannergate. Nacle newcomers may find the local patois a bit off-putting. This post, intended as a basic field guide, may serve as a starting point for newbies. Here are some terms you may want to know:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, lived the Metaphysical Elders. They were a group of pseudonymous bloggers, and for a thousand years, they kept order in the bloggernacle. Of course, there was no bloggernacle at the time, so it was a relatively easy task. The Metaphysical Elders fell apart when Nate went to the dark side and decided to found T&S. Nate then hunted down and destroyed the remaining Metaphysical Elders, except for Clark, who hid out on the planet of Tattooine waiting to find and train the next Metaphysical Elder who would finally restore balance to the bloggernacle.
a random John.
In the early days, a random John (who is not the same as “John H.”) used various adjectives — like “an annoyed John” or “a sarcastic John” — to describe himself. Eventually, he settled on his present handle, “a random John.” Around the same time, he gave up on the possibility of ever converting any bloggernackers to the use of Slashcode, and paid up on the bet he had made with DKL. As revenge for his frustrated dreams of Slashcode domination, he turned his skills toward hacking the Big 3 blogs.
Some other blog.
Well, we wouldn’t want to mention it by name here, would we? “Some other blog” is a perfectly good description.
The chupacabra comes to visit threads that are dead, or those that need to die. The chupacabra’s first appearance came in a conversation involving Danithew and Steve Evans (among others). Defy the chupacabra at your own risk.
A while ago, Kaimi posted a thread on Signature books, which quickly became heated. And cheesy. Like heated cheese. Mmmm, cheese.
Greg posted a comment suggesting that thread participants lighten up, “before we have to hear how Midgley showed up unannounced at Lighthouse Ministries and rudely interrupted George Smith having fondue with the Tanners.” This reminded DKL and arJ of how they themselves had once interrupted George Smith having fondue with the Tanners. Nostalgic, they decided to bring the topic up as often as possible in future blog comments.
So, this is the technical term for a gathering where there are bloggers, and they snack. Get it? Blogger . . . snacker? Okay, the name is a little cheesy. (Mmm. Cheese.) But the events themselves are pretty fun. (Though rumor has it that Lou Midgley once attended a bloggersnacker and rudely interrupted George Smith having fondue with Nate Oman.)
I love you all. But are Mormons really Christians? I challenge Matt Evans to a duel!
Who was that smart young man in the last comment? Whoever he was, he sure was smart!
I agree with the prior two comments. All those commenters are smart. Why, we’re so smart that we all share the same IP address! By the way, I love you all.
This blog is obviously being CONTROLLED by the MINIONS of the SCI-FI CHANNEL. They want to SUPPRESS Languatron’s comments about BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. But he will not be suppressed! Censorship is bad! The SCI-FI CHANNEL is evil! Languatron will tell everyone about this in CAPITAL LETTERS until his comments are deleted.
The mafia consists of Danithew and Bryce. They’re a bit unorthodox as far as their technique. They don’t do drive-by assassinations; however, they do make friendly comments and offer technical advice. They have not been known to threaten nacle participants with the line “you’ll be swimming with the fishes.” However, they do participate in bloggersnackers. Talk about an offer you can’t refuse! Very intimidating. (Rumor has it that Dan makes a mean chupacabra quesadilla).
Banner of Heaven.
In 2005, six friends had a bit too much Zero-Point Joe one evening and the game of Truth or Dare got just a little out of hand. One thing led to another, and the next thing anyone knew, they were all blogging under fake IDs at a new group blog called Banner of Heaven. Mostly they used fictitious identities; however, there is a good degree of truth at the Banner. (Brian Gibson really was kidnapped by aliens, for example, and DKL really is a cross dresser who works in a toilet paper factory and sold his kids’ X-box to get mascara money.)
Banner bloggers enticed Rusty to play a game of three-card monte with the nacle on whether Banner was a scam. They held the crowd at bay for about two days; then Frank showed up and unmasked everyone. Banner bloggers issued 5 apology letters and one kiss-off letter (“and if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dumb dog, I would have gotten away with it!”).
A few locals had a bit too much Zero-Point Joe themselves, and next thing anyone knew, Banner bloggers were being run out of town on a rail. We all woke up with a headache and some regrets, and swore not to stray in the future from core topics like same-sex marriage and abortion.
Geoff J. set up a portal called the Mormon Archipelago. He then recruited Rusty, Dave, and J. Stapley to the project. As a result, Geoff gets 10% of the profits from any recruits that these lower-level members bring in. The next level recruited Steve Evans, Kaimi, FMH Lisa, and other low-level grunts. However, we failed to get in on the ground level, so we make peanuts from anyone we recruit. Sigh. (On the plus side, we get to buy our dish soap and cosmetics from Mormon Archipelago, and eliminate the middleman . . .)
Kaimi’s sales weren’t up to par, so Geoff knocked him down a peg or two in the Multi-level-Mormon Archipelago. This led to a public scuffle of sorts; however, the scuffle has since been unscuffed and we’re all back to being friends and using Mormon Archipelago dish soap and cosmetics. (Rumor has it that Frank has been experimenting with LDSelect eye-liner, but there’s no proof).
Monkey steals the peach.
There are some terms that one cannot discuss on a family-friendly blog. (For the curious, some background is available elsewhere.)
David King Landrith is a longtime nacle participant who frequently posted comments, first under his own name and later under the pseudonym Arturo Toscanini. Dave enjoys sunsets, long walks on the beach, and reading books by Fawn Brodie.
Dave has, at various points in his blogging career, been banned from commenting at T&S. (Ask him to tell you about it some time, and just maybe you’ll get him to open up about this deeply private topic. See also Dave’s expulsion from BYU.) Dave was a founder of Banner of Heaven (under the pseudonym Miranda) and is the evil genius behind LDSelect.
Note: Dave Landrith is not the same as DMI Dave. Dave Landrith is also Not Hitler, just in case anyone’s asking.
Alias is a television show involving Jennifer Garner, short skirts and colored wigs. Need I say more? Alas, Jennifer Garner doesn’t blog. However, there are a number of publicly disclosed aliases (or non-aliases) that regular nacle participants probably know about:
Supergenius is Steve Evans.
Peach Stealing Monkey is Geoff J.
Eminent Mormon is DKL is Dave Landrith is Arturo Toscanini is Miranda Park Jones is . . . oh, nevermind.
HobbyGoblin is Kristen J.
FMH-Athena is FMH-EmilyS.
Prudence McPrude is Aaron Brown when heâ€™s had too much Zero-Point Joe.
Ethesis is Stephen M. Ethesis is not Steve Evans. Ethesis is not Steve EM. Steve Evans is also not Steve EM. However, Steve FSF is Steve EM. Get it? (To help avoid reader confusion, we have reduced the Steve quotient at T&S by banning Steve EM. Highly recommended!)
Steve Ethesis is also not Ned Flanders.
Andermom is Starfoxy is Starfoxy/Andermom.
M&M is Michelle.
BTD Greg is not T&S Greg.
FMH-Lisa is not Lisa B.
Daniel B. is danithew.
The Snarker is Kurt.
Okay, what am I leaving out? Generally known information only, please (so don’t tell everyone that Frank M. is really DKL.)