Comments on: Families: Isn’t It About Time?

By: cooper

cooper — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I’d comment, but I don’t have time right now…

By: Kristine

Kristine — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

I don’t necessarily want to lead the discussion down a tangential path, but I’ll toss in the following: time management is largely the prerogative of fathers and/or mothers whose children are cared for by others. For a stay-at-home parent, at least one of small children, there is no such thing as “managing” anything, especially something so precious as time. As a mom with three kids under six, I am on-duty ALL the time and my children’s needs cannot be scheduled. This is not to say I can’t plan, only that all plans are subject to change and ruin without notice. I believe I am learning useful things about sacrifice and patience, but it worries me a little that my husband is learning such different lessons about time, family, and excellence in other pursuits. It also concerns me that in the church, while we talk about how holding the priesthood is good for men because it teaches them to serve, the kinds of service they offer are often highly visible, highly praised, and “schedulable.” The bishop is praised for spending an evening or two a week at church, while his wife is left with the never-ending task of picking up the pieces at home. The home teacher is publicly praised for running over to the hospital after work or on his lunch hour to give a blessing, while the mother, who was there all day and all night, receives quieter satisfaction. I’m not arguing for the superiority of one kind of service or another, only wondering whether it’s dangerous for men and women to learn separate lessons. (One notes that Satan made a lot of headway in the garden when he managed to get Adam and Eve to act separately.)

By: brayden

brayden — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

In defense of the lessons, I assumed the Relief Society and the Elder’s Quorum were learning about of the same lesson manuals. Of course, even if the words are the same, the experiences brought to the table by men are radically different than those discussed by women. This is probably the distinction that Kristine is making.

I find that my wife and I have equal time pressures, many of which are due to church obligations. My wife and I both work (our kids spend part of the week in a preschool) and when we’re not working it seems that one of us has some sort of church service going on. Last week, between Young Womens and the Elder’s Quorum, Karrie and I managed to not spend one single night together in the home. Tis the season after all.

I love the service and fellowship that comes from church activity, but is there a way to reasonably reduce the total time spent away from the family due to church without cutting too much quality church time out?

By: Gordon

Gordon — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Funny, cooper.

Kristine, that was truly insightful. While the differences between men and women in the Church are often discussed and debated, I had never thought about the different circumstances teaching different lessons about service. Now that you have described the issue, it seems obvious!

One possible response: I believe that individuals are constrained in their ability to become like God. We see, for example, that the gifts of the Spirit are given to various people so that together a congregation as a whole can have all of the gifts. Isn’t it also true that “God” is not just Heavenly Father, but also Heavenly Mother. In other words, perhaps we should think of “God” as a collective (at least a man and wife, but also the Son, who is one with God?). If this is true, then perhaps we learn different lessons so that we can all contribute something meaningful to the whole.

And you were worried about a tangent!

By: clark

clark — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

Man, I agree completely. Life was so much easier when I was single. I had tons of activities I could do. Since I got married finding time to schedule things has been brutal. And this is without kids or intrusive callings. (We’re in nursery) I used to do about 2-3 hours a day at various gyms doing various activities. Now it is very hard to do, partially because it is harder to do things alone. Probably a lot of this is just the adjustments during the first year of marriage. But my middle certainly has changed! I’m definitely not the thin atheletic person I was a year and a half ago!

Computer stuff is easier to do, as I can run to the computer room every now and then. But more involved things are very hard.

I probably will have to go the DayPlanner way and get much more formalized in my organization. Is there any other way?

By: Renee

Renee — Mon, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000

During the 2003 Relief Society General Conference, Bonnie D. Parkin spoke about Martha and Mary and the struggles of “choosing that good part”. http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-401-33,00.html

She says, “Wouldn’t it be easy if we were choosing between visiting teaching or robbing a bank? Instead, our choices are often more subtle. We must choose between many worthy options.”

During her talk and President Hinckley’s, I was surrounded by crying women who felt awful for the things they could not accomplish. Here was the RS president and the Prophet telling us we don’t have to be super women. But where is that impression coming from in the first place? I have read that Utah has the highest number of women per capita on anti-depressants. Clearly, the demands placed on people need to be examined.

Even though we have no children, I still feel the pressures of time. I have learned by experience that I need to be fiercely protective of my time everytime I get a phone call or meet with the bishop. Perhaps it’s because I’m a convert, but I have no qualms to sometimes answering with a resolute “no”. I know my schedule better than anyone except the Lord. To be frank, I have no guarantee that anyone checked with Him before asking me. So all I can do is keep close to the Spirit and hope for the guidance to choose “that good part”.